When working in a service-oriented industry, a great deal of your focus goes to helping others. It’s what you built your business on, after all, and I know that I pride myself on having created a service model that we refer to as ‘white glove,’ and mean it. As a mom, my home time is also focused on others, raising my children and supporting my community. However, I’ve learned in my time as a business owner and a mom that there comes a time when you have to give back to yourself if you want to make a difference with others. It’s not selfish, with its greedy connotations that we avoid. It’s about making sure you’re in a place of balance so that you can help someone else find theirs. The three areas I identify in a search for the ‘self’ in business are self-preservation, self-confidence, and self-respect.

Self-Preservation

This one is the guidepost for the others, the definition of putting your air mask on before helping someone next to you, as they always tell you before the airplane takes off. This has become so important to me as I help the representatives and advisors that EFA services, and I try to install some of that into them as well, to remind them that they need it before they can best help their clients. 

How do you go about some self-preservation in your own life? It’s learning the moments when it’s good to put yourself first. Setting personal boundaries is paramount, as is knowing when it’s time to rest (either for the day or when you need to take a week off for sun and beach). One of the toughest and yet most important skills here is learning to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty; it’s hard to practice, but once you have the ability, you’ll know that you can depend on yourself. Lastly, it’s vital to choose environments where you feel appreciated, among friends and among colleagues. 

Self-Confidence

I think this is one of those ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ skills sometimes, because while some people are born with self-confidence, some will have to learn it. Like any other skill, however, practice brings mastery. Self-confidence is going to be the chair you can lean back into when you find yourself tired. It will allow you to take the steps to find success.

You can begin by focusing on your strengths, because you know you have those. Maybe build there, and then step out of your comfort zone. Baby steps are fine, just make sure the steps are taken. You can learn from failure as well as celebrate success—learning to accept both can be one of the most difficult pieces. Along with this comes letting go of perfection and allowing yourself to continuously grow. That’s much more of a confidence booster. A trick for myself is preparing as much as I can for anything (an event, a presentation, a meeting) but believing in my own ability to make a quick adjustment if necessary. You know you best!

Self-Respect

This one is the foundation of the rest, so maybe it should have come first. This is the concept of valuing yourself, knowing who you are, and then acting with integrity. Making decisions that align with your values makes you the person you are, in relation to your career and just yourself as a human being. 

One thing to keep in mind is that self-respect is not ego; self-respect means knowing your worth, but also dignifying the worth in other people as well, regardless of their position. Being honest, ethical, and reliable are non-negotiable. When you respect yourself, you hold yourself accountable for how you treat others as well. It also means that you’ll advocate for yourself, and identify the goals you want to pursue and work towards them! You can also put your weaknesses into context; don’t beat yourself up for them, use identified weaknesses as improvement tools. Lastly, keep promises to yourself. It’s the best way to learn to trust yourself.

Conclusion

All of this comes together to fortify the person you spend the most time with—you! Ensuring that your bedrock is solid through the tenets of “self,” self-preservation, self-confidence, and self-respect, will make you a person you will be proud to be, and will make you valuable as a friend, as a colleague, as a parent, as a pet owner, as a leader, as a community member, and every other way you interact with your life. Sometimes being a little selfish can make you more giving in the long run!